We often discover interesting memorabilia when we are hit with the sudden urge to clean and sort things only a few weeks before we sit important examinations. These curios are, of course, interesting in their intrinsic natures as relics of the past, and definitely not because they help us procrastinate. They trigger within us a variety of responses: amusement, embarrassment, nostalgia, lust, happiness, sadness. Their effects may be pronounced because we are a bit mentally unstable (supra important examinations), but I would argue the relationship between our reactions and our conditions is more to do with correlation than causation. Such flashes from the past must be explored regardless of circumstance. In this commentary I intend to create an anachronistic narrative between me and my former self. Such a narrative revolves around a decade-old artifact from my first years in a new school - an exercise book containing sentences which reveal the inner mental workings of an eccentric, if not slightly disturbed, six-year-old.
Source 1
There
are many pathways of curiosity which we can take to explore this sentence.
Unfortunately
none of them lead to a good place.
Lets
begin with the obvious question: what is "tugged myself"? The trusty
repository of definitions (Google) defines tug as: "pull (something) hard
or suddenly". What is startling here is not the physically impossible feat
of pulling oneself, but rather the fact that I must have thought of something
similar to what is described in order to formulate the sentence itself. There
was no copy pasting, no asking of parents or siblings for help: just pure
independent thought. But that is not even the weird bit.
"I
nearly choked"? What did I choke on? What was tugged that caused the
choking? Was this self-punishment? What initiated it? A fit? No one will ever
know. The only rational explanation that can be provided is that I pulled my
tongue with my bare hands. Does that result in a near-choking experience? I
have no idea. Try it and leave a comment below.
Source 2
The
teacher's red question mark says it all, doesn't it?
Being
a good son and respecting your mother is quite a normal thing (bar some
cultures), but the concept of yielding, of surrendering yourself to your
mother, is reasonably disconcerting. Let's not stray to the realms of Mr. Freud
and Oedipus for the safety of our respective consciences. Instead let's look at
the essence of sacrificing autonomy. Doing so, for anyone, is just wrong,
especially when you do it without questioning yourself.
But
I did question myself, and that is the redeeming feature of this source. It is
clear I developed notions of dominance, submission, the matriarchy and my own
rights as an individual way before anyone else. So not everything's so bad!
Source 3
Yeah.
Clearly
"I didn't know why" about many things, but this one takes home the
title for the most creepy. As far as I am aware I am not a paranoid schizophrenic, but the hypersensitivity directly referenced in
this is troubling, to say the least.
Aside
from the wow-that's-actually-kind-of-messed-up factor, there is a glaring
logical inconsistency in my thought process. Shadows are not really visible in
the darkness, so clearly my IQ was yet to begin its exponential growth.
Source 4
This
is actually one of the few written references which exist about my quasi-phobia
of dogs.
But
that is not what I want to focus on. The more interesting question is: why is
it that puppies are not real but dogs are? At what point do puppies become
dogs, thereby validating their realness? Is this transformation quick or slow,
smooth or erratic? This perspective, of separating puppy from dog, must stem
from how children are indirectly conditioned to believe that with age comes
authority. Puppies, like children, are insignificant. They have not earned
their place in the world. They were squeezed or cut out of their mothers to become useless pilfering organisms. On the other hand, dogs, like
adults, are the movers and shakers. They are the hunters and gatherers. The
providers and protectors.
In
all seriousness, the general uselessness of the youth cannot be understated.
Adults may tell us we are important, but as long as it is unclear whether or
not teenagers are contributing to controlling the secret workings of the world
via corporations and cults, I will refuse to believe it.
Source 5
I
will not even blame myself for this one. The education system did this. I guess
the imprint of a Western, capitalist and consumerist culture begins to form
from an early age.
There
are some intriguing things here. Firstly, why "white" sheep? I do not
think I have ever seen a black sheep (even though copious reiterations of a
certain nursery rhyme has ingrained the concept into my brain). Was it
necessary to describe the colour of the sheep? Probably not, but I guess my
superfluous authorial style was already starting to develop.
Apparently
the only use for sheep (that are white) is their wool for making clothes. Who
could have taught me such blasphemy? A vegetarian teacher? Sheep (especially
young ones) have many other uses.
Source 6
Always
dreaming, like, always having big dreams? Or always being stuck in a
transitory, continuous space-time in which I cannot separate reality from
fantasy? Probably the latter. In any case, the aberration in form, (the split
between dreaming) must serve to emphasise the dichotomous nature of life and existence.
I was aware of dualism and solipsism before philosophy was cool. Are you
going to take that, IB TOK doers?
Source 7
This
is another "I don't know ..." (Part IV), and it just gets better.
Considering
the fact that the human sense of smell is constantly receiving information half
of the time (the other half being when we exhale), it is not so far a stretch
to say that one is continuously smelling something. However, there is a
difference between purposely smelling something and getting a whiff of
something. In this rhetorical question I appear to be doing the former. As much
of a mystery that may be - of what I'm smelling and what it smells like - the
more confusing thing is my continuous self-doubt. Why do I keep doing things
without knowing why? Does this perhaps relate to my comments about living in an
eternal dream state? Am I a schizo after all? Time will tell.
Source 8
Interesting
syntax inversion. Anyways, clearly I had some sort of intuition behind this
documentation of my body's response to cabbage. It may be that cabbage contains
soporific chemicals, as do poppy seeds, and that is what caused me to act in
such a way.
What I have now found out is that six-year-old me inadvertently uncovered a scientific goldmine through
personal experience: according to wikiHow (the digital North Star for every
lost and hormonal teenager) cabbage contains tryptophan, which releases
"melatonin and serotonin for good sleep. It speeds up the onset of sleep,
decreases the level of spontaneous awakenings during your sleep, and helps to
increase the amount of refreshing sleep you get." If I had the powers of
research at the age of six, surely such a finding would have resulted in a groundbreaking
academic paper. How unfortunate.
Source 9
Let's
just skim over the fact that I knew who Steve Erwin was and focus on this
overwhelmingly confusing string of words. Why wasn't Steve Erwin careless,
means why was he careful. So my question was: Why was Steve Erwin careful about
the animals in the sea? This is one of those questions which is responded to
not with speech but with a puzzled look - Steve Erwin just, cares. Why would
you even ask that.
I
must have held some sort of prejudice to sea animals because clearly I did not
believe they deserved the same care as other creatures. Quite sad really.
Anyways, rest in peace Stevie.
Source 10
Saved
the longest one for last, and what a story this is.
What
I admire about this comma-free journey of fifty-two words is that, as a little
child, not only did I have the self-control to not kill myself in the story (a
prospect which would have been much more exciting), but I also had the
foresight to include a disclaimer at the end as a pre-planned resolution for
any potential disputes. So considerate.
Another
thing which is interesting is that this mini-story reveals a highly complex
stream of associations. The given word to construct a sentence around was
"bridge". How I managed to come up with what appears to be a
microcosm of a short story is a great puzzle in itself.
*
It
is odd to read your own words as if they were written by someone else. What is
more odd is when these words comprise weird sentences. Upon reflection you
realise that at the time you wrote them you did not think it was weird, out of
place, inappropriate, uncalled for, offensive, or idiotic. In fact, the
innocence is what makes childhood behaviour so amusing.
The sentences I wrote
reveal my thought processes, my likes and dislikes, my fears, my passions, my
abilities - all of which would have been lost with the gradual decay of memory.
Of course, there are some parts which probably ring alarm bells, and I wonder if I was
ever probed about what I wrote.
Now, the
only step left to complete the loop is to come back in ten years to this post,
having forgotten all about it, and to read it with that new found sense of wonder,
preferably at a time in which I should be doing something else, like preparing
for important examinations...