Imagine You Died Whilst Reading This

“Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.”

― Haruki Murakami

Let’s say some sort of immediate disease struck you into a fatally feverous state within the next five seconds.

I don’t know what you’re doing right now. You might be sitting down at a desk trying to get some work done, lying down in your bed relaxing, in transit between two places or in any other situation which the irrational human mind could conjure. What if, at the end of these five seconds, your heart collapsed into itself, your eyes went cold and every supporting muscle in your body submitted its reigns to gravity. You would fall onto whatever is supporting you like a sloppy pile of meat… but what next?

There are two possibilities of what happens next – one more likely than the other. The likely one is that you’re within distance of another human being, who’ll soon enough rush to your aid and attempt to resuscitate your sagging corpse. Someone will also telephone robotically for an ambulance. There would be a kaleidoscopic mixture of emotions in the air. You’d probably be brought to the hospital to fulfil formalities and your lifeless body would be lobbed into a frosty morgue to rest. Maybe an autopsy would be performed on you. That’s the most plausible line of action – the discovery of your body and appropriate measures to deal with your death formally.

We are almost always surrounded by people, but what if we weren’t? This is the second, more thrilling possibility. Say, nobody sees or discovers your body once you’ve waned into a crumpled pile of humid skin and bone. For purposes of imagery, let’s confine this idea to you in one room, sitting at a desk by your lonesome.

The five seconds are up. Your head smacks the desk with a dull noise.

1.      Mortis, Mortis, Mortis...

What happens first is that your blood pools into portions of your body under the influence of gravity. This stagnation of the blood causes a bruise-like discoloration – livor mortis. Around four hours later your body’s muscular tissues become bizarrely firm from the collected blood. This is called rigor mortis. Your body is constantly losing heat to the atmosphere and the temperature of your carcass drops. This is known as algor mortis.

2.     Self-cannibalism

Your intestines will teem of living microorganisms, living even after your death, slowly breaking down dead intestine cells. Simultaneously, chemicals and enzymes will be released by a decrease in chemical changes and pH, causing your cells to lose their structural integrity and to collapse, resulting in your body self-digesting itself – known medically as autolysis.

3.     Oxygen depletion

Any oxygen remaining in your body is exhausted by aerobic microbes and cellular metabolism. The depletion of oxygen results in prime conditions for anaerobic organism proliferation. These organisms multiply and consume the ammonia, hydrogen sulphide and carbohydrates present in your body.

4.     Bloat

Anaerobic metabolism results in the decomposition of tissues. This releases gas and green substances and discolours your naturally supple skin tone to a blistered blue. The accumulation of these gases in your body’s cavity causes abdominal distention, making your torso swell and your tongue loll out. The pressure from the gases may even cause seams in your body to split. Tepid fluid discharges from your nostrils and mouth, filling clefts and seeping out in a stream of liquid stickiness across your pasty skin, blessing your complexion with a repulsive sheen of ashen sweat.

5.     Breeding ground

There probably aren’t enough insects in your room for this to happen, but if there were enough, maggots would hatch and sup on the tissues of your body. Hair would detach from skin. Ruptures in the body carved out by maggots would fill with a stream of fluids to escape to the outside environment. These ruptures would be a two-way street, allowing oxygen into the body to create a favourable environment for aerobic microorganisms and fly larvae.

6.     Private pool

Ever dreamed about quick weight loss? The next stage would allow your dead body to lose its mass exponentially, with cloying decomposition fluid leaking out into the environment, filling the gaps between your computer’s keyboard keys like a tiny Venetian waterway. The fluids surrounding your body would accumulate, resulting in a Cadaver Decomposition Island (CDI). Your clothes would become saturated with bodily fluid, which would slowly evaporate into the air, creating a sultry stench.

7.      Drying off

Your body has diminished quickly, and in the advanced decay stage, decomposition slows down as there is barely any material left. Finally, all that is left is just dry skin, bones and cartilage. If your desk is exposed to sunlight then the remaining bodily elements will become bleached and dry. Your body will eventually skeletonise into a shoddy structure of weakened sinew and bone.

This would all happen quite swiftly if you’re in the tropics. Your room (assume the door and windows are shut) would soon become a festering site, the air layered with the smell of hydrogen sulphide (odours resembling rotten eggs) and some traces of thiols (odours resembling garlic). Any living human would gag on the thick aroma of putrid decay.

*

It’s all very exciting to think about this, and you can call me curious or sadistic, but the complexity of our bodies is stupendous. The tiniest microbes and cells and enzymes conspire together to corrode your cadaver down to its rudiments. Isn’t it incredible? We’re so lucky to be the drivers of these vessels, the possessors of such intricacy, and the sharers of ourselves with countless other organisms. To think, we’re so bound by our outward propensities, we fail to recognise our inward complexities. The world around us bogs us down to a state of unilateral weariness, and it isn’t that we should think we are so unique or special, but it’s important to realise there’s more to life than what we do and what happens to us.

There may be more to life than we think, but there is definitely more to death than we think. The denouement of our masterful lives ends and recedes with the help of those tiny organisms we share our body with. Our deaths are so inspiring. We end with timed care and craft, and it may not even matter how our bodies lose their animation, what matters is everything leading up to that point.

Now, we know those feverous five seconds preluding your demise didn’t actually happen… but what if they did?

In that bare moment of cognition before your expiry, would you be content?

Why We Need The Evil Demon

“Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is.” 

― Albert Camus

In René Descartes’ first Meditation in Meditations on First Philosophy, he introduces the ‘method of doubt’. He says that if we wish to find out anything about the world which is constant and enduring we need to start from the foundations and disregard any ordinary opinions. Rarely does anyone restart their machine of thought from scratch for any reason, and it makes you think, if we thrashed in pursuit of this perfect lack of judgment, would we be able to function as people?

All of us have readymade foundations to make judgements, and these foundations are ultimately peripheral to the existence of both sense and experience. We cannot deny the obvious proof of our senses – you see these words, you feel the material of your apparel against your skin, you hear, you taste and you smell. You would have to be irrational to deny your senses, and as Descartes eloquently puts, those that deny their senses are madmen “who imagine they have an earthenware head or are nothing but pumpkins or are made of glass” – they are utterly disillusioned with reality.

Descartes uses dreams to devalue the reliability of our senses. When you dream, you represent things to yourself just as convincingly as your senses do, do you not? Have you ever woken up from a dream which felt unbelievably lifelike? Have you ever confused a real memory for a dream you once had? Most people have, and here’s the vital idea: we as humans are able to form senses which bear no relation to reality – so, really, we have no ability to distinguish a dream experience from a waking experience. Just as much evidence exists to indicate that the act of you reading this is reality, as there is to demonstrate the opposite. Our senses can deceive us and, according to Descartes, it is “wiser not to trust entirely to any thing by which we have once been deceived.”

On the contrary, there is a counter to this line of reasoning if we think of dreams as paintings. Imagine a painter and a painting. The painting is your dream, and you are the painter. You can rearrange scenes on the canvas as the painter, and absolutely whatever you imagine will always be a depiction derived from real things. We can equate this line of reasoning to another, saying that even if familiar things (your ears, your nose, your eyes etcetera) were thought to be imaginary, they must depend on things which are inherently real.

But what are these real things? Descartes says our senses can trick us and tell the truth at the same time. If all your beliefs of the world are based on your sensory experiences and your senses are deceiving, is it not that everything you believe about the world uncertain? To remove this doubt, one would have to remove himself resolutely from believing any falsehoods, but these falsehoods indelibly exist.

If everything can be doubted, Descartes reaches the conclusion:

“I shall then suppose, not that God who is supremely good and the fountain of truth, but some evil genius not less powerful than deceitful, has employed his whole energies in deceiving me; I shall consider that the heavens, the earth, colours, figures, sound, and all other external things are nought but the illusions and dreams of which this genius has availed himself in order to lay traps for my credulity … I may at least do what is in my power [suspend judgement], and with firm purpose avoid giving credence to any false thing, or being imposed upon by this arch deceiver, however powerful and deceptive he may be.”

This arch deceiver is The Evil Demon – the conspiring entity which keeps us from neutrally witnessing the world around us. It is interesting that Descartes refers to this entity as evil, and that he says he must do whatever he can to free himself from the grasps of this demon. In my opinion, this demon is absolutely necessary.

There are two types of people in this world, those who know they are living a delusion and those who do not. Most of us do not realise that our lives are cloaked with a constant obligation to adhere to lies. We are within confines, and the limiting factor on our freedom is the compulsion to acquiesce to the persuasion of The Evil Demon.

Descartes’ idea of ceaseless deception within our lives is what I consider to be the major theme of the way in which we all function. I have constructed a vague structure to briefly explain what we do, why we deceive ourselves in doing that, and why this deception is necessary.

What You Do	Why You Are Deceiving Yourself	Why This Deception Is Necessary
Feel as if you might be important relative to others	None of us are really important individually. It is a universal lie everyone’s subconsciously complicit in. You may feel relative importance at times, but this is a temporary notion.	As social beings that thrive on interaction, we need to feel recognised within our societies. Possessing the faculty for emotion has rendered this of utmost importance. We are able to feel elation and depression and an array of complex emotions such as jealousy, love and abhorrence – so the mental state of the human is so epically integral to our health that we need to nourish it with lies.
Take pleasure in escaping	The weight of obligation rests on our shoulders. Tasks need to be completed and life is so extensive that simply taking in everything at once is too wearisome. What we need is a way out – and so we use escapism. You watch television shows for hours on end, you go on vacation, you listen to music before you sleep… or perhaps, like me, you write needless essays on arbitrary topics.	If we did not free ourselves from the mundanities and stresses of everyday life the weight of the world on our shoulders would crush us into flaccid imprints of a once-spirited being.
Fear failure	When we fear the possibility of something happening we are in touch with an abstract concept of risk which does not exist in real life. Therefore, we attach ourselves to a fantasy – a fantasy that failure will happen. This is a careful construct in your mind, and only your delusional mind makes you believe this failure is inevitable.	The capability of thinking rationally is possibly one of the most remarkable traits we possess. The ability of risk assessment is integral to our survival and to our development. If we did not fear failure, the decisions we would make would have calamitous consequences.
Become frustrated as a result of someone else’s actions	If a person does something to cause you annoyance, grievance or anger, this is because you do not believe they are acting ‘correctly’… but this ‘correctly’, is not reality but an ideal instilled in you. The emotion you feel stems not from their actions themselves, but from how their actions differ from your fantasies.	If we did not have a set of virtuous ideals that we believed was convention for others to follow in respect to us, we would be condoning all kinds of awful behaviour.
Create idealistic aims	When we start a new habit, the basis for our motivations is the fantasy of what our life will be whilst or after we are engaging in the habit. Except, this is not real. The idealised and deceptive dream of the habit and outcome rarely ever match up with 'reality'.	Aspiring to objectives out of our reach ensures we can reach our maximum potential as people. Of course, we are tricking ourselves into believing it is achievable, and with that comes the unavoidable pang of disappointment when we do not achieve reach our expectations. Ultimately, though, it is necessary for us to improve.

What does this tell us? We are disillusioned creatures, more than often out of touch with reality, more than often acting like those who have an earthenware head or are nothing but pumpkins or are made of glass. As much as we would like to believe we are not the madmen, and that we are the ones that understand ourselves and our atmosphere, it is not the case. We are being deceived all the time. The crazy thing is that we need to be! We need The Evil Demon because our lives are built on deception.

It is not necessarily a bad thing that we are delusional. If it is what helps us operate efficiently then so be it – admire it and allow it. Maybe The Evil Demon is not evil at all. If it is our faults and inabilities of perfection that make us human then maybe this demon is not a demon, but an angel, helping our humanity blossom. We can refute and accept many things – whether The Evil Demon is a wicked master of trickery, or some horned benefactor – but in the end it is just us with our ideas and our theories which give any meaning to the world around us. So Descartes acknowledged in his meditation the supreme nature of doubt, and he encouraged us to doubt all things, for if we do not doubt, then the world is full of perfect and fantastical absolutes – absolutes engendered by warped and disillusioned minds.

So do not be perturbed or fearful… because for all of us, it is more comfortable to live with the lies and ignore the truth, than it is to live with the truth and ignore the lies.

The Art of Arrogance

“Arrogance is in everything I do. It is in my gestures, the harshness of my voice, in the glow of my gaze, in my sinewy, tormented face.”

- Coco Chanel

A few years ago I was constantly enmeshed by a dark blanket of self-doubt. It was a lax net on my limbs, coolly preventing me from any sort of positive spurt in any direction. Completely disbarred from any notion of ambition, I practised the same activity every day. This activity was living… living in its slowest, purest form. I did things without reason – eating, drinking, reading and watching. It was like walking a well-worn path which never seemed to end. It was one path, separated by two dichotomous ends.

The linear ignorance I led my life with was pressed tightly between the security of familiarity and an ever pervading gulf of uncertainty. I never bothered to cross fully into either territory. I stayed bound to what I knew, to what made me feel at ease and to what was predictable. What I didn’t realise then, was that I was only half right about the gulf of uncertainty. It was of course, uncertain, but retrospectively I see there was nothing so epic about its proportions that could render it a gulf. Never was I autonomous, and never did I believe I could achieve anything initially considered insurmountable. The environment around me had warmed me into a soft ball of plasticine. Easily affected and easily corrupted.

When I eventually found the determination to gain resoluteness about myself, my objectives, my aspirations… I met a new trait I had never come across before. This was, of course, arrogance. Just reading the word feels so negative, does it not? Who comes into your mind when you read the word arrogant? Do you dislike this person? Do not confuse arrogance with vanity, with conceit, or with pride, for arrogance is not any of those, yet they are inexorably linked. The fantastic aspect of arrogance (one which I particularly admire) is that it is more to do with revealing one’s vanity, conceit or pride. When you realise you have control over your image, you are now your environment. You are now the warmth that shapes you. Arrogance has been a tool I have used for a long time, whether I used it to cut through that gulf of uncertainty, or to sculpt an image of myself – the uses I found for it were not limited.

Humility is so morally celebrated it is illogical to think that anyone could respect arrogance, let alone support it. To me arrogance has never been negative or disillusioned. Every trait about someone tells you something about their character. Do not take arrogance to be one trait in itself. It is more like a subcategory for the other traits someone has. If we think of water flowing through a pipe as all the specific traits connected to arrogance, then the valve that controls this flow is arrogance, or even, modesty. For some people the valve is open completely, for some it is shut, and for some it stays at a point constant between the two. The trick is to keep your hand on that valve at all times, ready to twist, alter and control.

Those that are supremely modest must be aware of its leeching existence. Modesty is suitable in certain circumstances (meeting new people, making good impressions, etcetera), but the more you try and be modest the higher the risks are of you eventually sinking into an abyss of self-doubt. Psychology has shown us if we are conditioned to one thing enough times we begin to truly believe it, and when you tell yourself you are ‘just alright’ or that you ‘aren’t that special’, you are continually detracting from the true self-worth you possess. Of course, one can argue if you use arrogance all the time, you can trick yourself into believing you are better than you actually are, and that may be considered even worse. The secret to not falling into either one of these traps is balance and control. (Remember that metaphorical valve I was writing about?) Once you are able to balance modesty and arrogance you can keep your mind in healthy fluctuation between what you are and what you want to be. Control is vital because you need to realise that you are inevitably in control of yourself. Never forget that you are your environment, and if the world is going to enjoy any of your merits and talents you need to control your mind into believing you are, in fact, capable of getting to where you want to be.

So, who is to say arrogance is negative? ‘Meaning’ is a self-constructed deduction influenced by numerous factors. To me, many meanings are mercurial, and are too often shaped by the majority. If someone is a bit too certain about themselves: what does that tell you about them? Any common person would say that they are simply arrogant (as if it’s just one fact in itself), but is that because those who are arrogant are in fact arrogant? Or is that because those who aren’t arrogant are weak, making the ‘arrogant’ seem arrogant? Or is arrogance a form of insecurity – making arrogance a form of weakness? Or do people like to call arrogance insecurity because it makes them feel more secure about their weaknesses?

History has proved to us, people like to shun the qualities they cannot find in themselves, and we also know that when the majority forms an opinion on something, it often stays steadfast. Disregard what your friends think, what your family thinks and what perhaps you originally thought. If you have realised thinking is a process of development, then you are already one step closer to control and perfect impartiality.

It is ironic I write of impartiality but aim to convey a one-sided message on the positivity of arrogance. However, when you realise how much the environment around you has instilled in you the negativity of arrogance, this piece of writing is just one rogue soldier fighting against an entire army built on convention.

I have called this “The Art of Arrogance” because arrogance is a form of art. You need to have a vision, you need to have control, and you can only get better at it with practice. Hopefully you have started to question some of the things I’ve written about, and more importantly, have started to question other things too. The main reason I write this is to encourage thought, and if you have agreed or disagreed with, scoffed at, or even slandered what I have wrote, then my job is done. You have thought about what I have written, and you have become aware of your own thoughts too. When you know you are being arrogant and when you know you are being modest, you realise you have the power to depict yourself in any way you please. Try to consider every typically negative trait with a broader perspective - it is so easy to ascribe a constant definition to something without further consideration of ulterior meanings and values.

I'll admit, in this tumultuous sea of our realm everything is a game… and I do believe to stay afloat we must all learn to play it.